21st Century Cats
by iamswaggy
Summary: Read on as Gang Clan and White GIrl Clan have twerk-offs and weave fights. This thrilling tale also contains the sad tragedies between helpless romantics in the Fangirl Clan and the Jock Clan. Prepare for love, destruction, and twerking for all. AU
1. Gang Clan

"Yo, Swagpaw, my man?" yowled Brostar.

"Sup, shawty," Swagpaw replied.

The two cats walked by each other, both with undeniable swagger. This was Gang Clan, and there was no stopping the endless amounts of swag. Even though they lost all their battles to their rivals, White Girl Clan, they could really care less. They had hot females, swag, and good looks, and that was all Gang Clan needed to survive in the wild.

"I heard you and Ratchetfur have a thing," Brostar said.

"Yeah, man, that chick is FINE."

At that moment, Ratchetfur walked by. "How ya doin'?"

"I'm doing hella fine."

"Aye, we was just talking about you and that fine, fine booty,' Swagpaw purred.

Ratchetpaw then proceeded to twerk for the two cats, who soon enough joined in.

"TWERK TEAM!" A large, ginger cat who had a lot of junk in his trunk ran into the clan leader.

"Young Twerktail, you must be careful. We were performing our daily twerking rituals with the women."

Twerktail twerked in response. He was born for this. His fine booty was enough to make Starclan come down every night and bless it. However, his twerking turned out to be so good that Brostar was a bit worried. Were his twerking powers being given to this young clan member? He shook his head, knowing that twerking wasn't really his thing.

Two kits ran into the clearing, each dragging large weaves in their little mouths.

"BROSTAR, BROSTAR!" they shouted. "We found weaves in the river!"

Brostar chuckled darkly. Little did they know what he really used them for. The kits looked lovingly at their leader.

"What are your names, young ones?"

"I am Swagkit, and this is my brother. His name is Yolokit."

Brostar nodded. "Let us teach you how to twerk."

"WE WANT YOU TO RAP FOR US."

Brostar stretched out on the ground, his black fur rippling in the morning sun.

"I like to snag chicks all day, but yo, shawty, I am not here to stay."

The kits mewed with excitement. They absolutely loved Brostar.

Suddenly a dark cloud shifted over the camp.

"YO, WHAT THE DEUCES IS THIS?"

A large female cat named Jegginglegs ran up to the small group of cats.

"I...It's White Girl Clan. They invaded the nursery and took all of our Tums in the medicine den."

Brostar narrowed his eyes. It was time for a twerk-off with those scrawny little biotches. He would not back down. It was on like Donkey Kong.


	2. White Girl Clan

"OMG, Guccistar, look at my manicure."

Guccistar looked over at Yogapantpaw's sparkling paws.

"THAT IS SO PERF!" The leader squealed.

"But, like, oh my god, where in the name of Victoria's Secret are the cats? I am soooo bored. Fro-yotail is like, ignoring, all my texts. And she hooked up with my like, crush, who's like, so like, uh, like, perf, and li-"

"Shut up! She hooked up with _him_?"

Yogapantpaw nodded.

"The cats are raiding Gang Clan. We need more Tums because of all the Starbuck's I drank. But the Cotton Candy Frappe is sooooo perf. Like yum to the max!"

Guccistar proceeded to giggle stupidly, applying more lipstick to her mouth. She stuck out her butt and fluffed out her fur. Everything here in White Girl Clan was going purrrrfectly. Even Duckfacebelly was treating her well.

"Guccistar?" Yogapantpaw asked. "Why the flip are there no kits in this clan, like, ever?"

"We don't believe in men. YOU MUST BE STRONG AND WAIT FOR A PROPER MAN."

"But... won't we, like, uh, die?"

"We have our Starbucks and our Victoria's Secret. We will never die. We are infinite."

"But how do we get, uh, new kits? Like am I here?"

"We hook up with Jock Clan. See, we're the perfect match! Then we steal the kits and slit their throats! Easy!"

When a large badger ran through the camp, Guccistar squealed.

"OH MY GOD I HAVE TO INSTAGRAM THIS!" Whipping out her iPhone, she proceeded to snap pictures as the badger killed five warriors.

"Uh," Yogapantpaw looked in horror. "They might ruin my 287 pairs of Uggs."

Guccistar scoffed and flipped her fur (Authors note: don't think that works, but yeah.) She hollered at the badger to go away before it destroyed the valuable boots. The badger was horrified. When the clan leader made a duck face, it turned and ran the other way before the female cat could do it again.

Selfiewhisker ran into the clearing. She was covered in blood.

"OH EM GEE DID YOU USE MY MAC LIPSTICK AGAIN?"

"Uh, puh-lease? I just got mauled by that badger. Talk about cooties. I better tweet about it to my followers."

"Oh."

"Any news on were the other cats are? I mean, uh, Gang Clan smells like spoiled deoderant. They might be in danger."

"Infinitytattoopaw has proved to be a loyal, young and strong member of White Girl Clan," Guccistar nodded. "I think she may be able to pull it off."

Little did they know that their clan mates were being held captive by Brostar. (Bad ending, sorry)

* * *

**Okay, this is obviously a parody. It's cheesy, but it makes me laugh, and it gives me something to do at 2 am. Any suggestions for clan members, etc.? Comment if you want to submit a funny clan member!**

**I think I'm going with White Girl Clan, Gang Clan, Fangirl Clan (for the common blogger like me), and Jock Clan. I may add more if you suggest something particularly hilarious. :) **


End file.
